Smut Saturdays #6 – Slick

Every fourth Saturday, I’ll be posting erotica I’ve written, based loosely on my own real life experiences or fantasies, for your wanking enjoyment. If you’ve got any feedback or requests, put ’em in the comments or hit me up on Twitter @KinkyAutistic!


I have this fantasy. It’s vague, and quite possibly not as hot to other people as it is to me.

But it is unbearably hot to me, and follows on nicely from my post about precum, so I’ll try to articulate it for your reading pleasure.

I’m in bed, naked, with a sub. Not just any sub: a sub who is madly, utterly devoted to me. Obsessively so. I’ll probably unpack my stalker kink in another blog post, but I imagine this sub to be so infatuated with me that he steals my clothes to inhale the scent of my body while he touches himself, and hacks my laptop just so he can find out what’s on my birthday wishlist. And this is before we’ve so much as kissed one another. In this fantasy, the sub is lying on his side, facing me, and I’m on my back, gazing at the ceiling. We’re both naked, and under one thin blanket.

He isn’t touching me – he doesn’t dare. But he stares at me, and sometimes his hands twitch like he wants to reach out and stroke my skin. I’m just looking at the ceiling, sometimes stealing a glance at him out of the corner of my eye, absorbing his unwavering adoration. But my attention span proves much shorter than his, so I end up shifting onto my side, facing him, our bodies not touching but only inches away from it.

I can see him internally freaking out about the fact that now I’m facing him. He’s trying to look calm but his eyes are wider and he’s swallowing every few seconds, and I notice his eyes drifting down to my cleavage more than once.

“You can look,” I tell him, and I fold the blanket back so it’s doubled up over him and I’m completely without cover. He’s seen photos of me naked (they’re all over Twitter), but this is the first time he’s laid eyes on my naked body in real life, right in front of him.

He swallows again, so forcefully I can hear it. “You…” he whispers hoarsely, and I wait patiently for him to find the words, barely suppressing a grin. “You’re fucking radiant.”

“Language!” I scold him playfully, and I reach over and flick him, hard, with my middle finger, right under his collarbone. A noise escapes him and I can’t tell whether it’s a moan or not. I run my fingernail along his collarbone and towards his throat, watching his face the whole time. In spite of my nudity, his eyes are fixed on my face. I think briefly about putting my hand around his throat, but we haven’t talked about boundaries or limits and I’m too fond of him to make him genuinely uncomfortable (though I have no doubt he’d endure anything I chose to put him through).

He nibbles at his lip when my fingernail reaches his throat. It’s hot, but I won’t tell him that. “I-I’m sorry,” he whispers. I let my fingernail run down his chest, right between his nipples. “W-what…?”

“What am I doing?” I supply, letting myself smirk now. “It’s called foreplay. I thought the nakedness made it obvious.”

“I thought… you said…”

Ah, yes. Within this fantasy, I have at some point said that I can’t possibly fuck this guy, and he’s taken it very politely and never mentioned it again. The reason I give for not fucking him is incidental; the real reason is simply that keeping him waiting is too delicious to waste.

“Well, we’re not fucking, are we?” I point out, inching a little closer to him, but maintaining the gap between our bodies still. “I’m just poking at you a bit, really. Seeing what noises you’ll make…” And to illustrate my point, I pinch one of his nipples gently between my thumb and forefinger, and hold it until he whimpers.

“That’s… that’s okay, then.”

I pull closer still, and let one of my feet brush one of his. “I’m glad,” I say softly, and I mean it. Gazing into his big, hungry eyes, I feel myself melt a little inside. He’s so precious, and so desperate, and he only wants to do right by me. “There’s a lot of things that aren’t fucking, you know.”

As an example, I press my lips very softly against his.

He twitches, and I just know it’s taking all his might not to press his lips hard against mine, grab at me, run his tongue down my neck… I know exactly what he wants to do to me, but he lays very still and lets me place a tiny, gentle kiss on his lips.

I pull back a little to look at him. He’s somewhere between dazed and pained. I almost, almost want to put him out of his misery, and tell him that we can, in fact, fuck, and that I very dearly want us to. Almost.

Instead, I finally close the gap between us, laying an arm over his waist and pressing my chest against his, and I say, in a low voice, “I really rather like you.”

He stays still, letting me take the lead on every step. “I like you too.” We both know what an understatement it is.

We also both know that his rock-solid cock is poking me in the thigh.

A little bit of creative wriggling on my part places it between my thighs, right at the top, with the head of it nestled against my vulva. I’m soaking wet, and I know he notices. He looks like he’s about to say something.

“It’s not fucking,” I remind him quietly, “so it’s fine.”

I kiss him again before he can speak, and his cock twitches against my cunt. I smirk against his mouth and suck on his lower lip, then bite down on it. He makes the most delightful high-pitched noise, and his cock twitches again. Then, so do his hips.

I keep kissing him, and I slide my hand down to squeeze his arse. I use his arse cheek as a handle to pull him closer, then further away. Closer, then further away. As I brush my tongue against his, I’m encouraging him to rub his cock on the hot, slick outside of my cunt, his precum lubricating my inner thighs.

His timidity is wearing off now; he caresses my face with one hand and holds one of my boobs in the other. He moans against my mouth as I bite his lip again, and I don’t have to guide his arse any more – his hips are grinding, and he’s spreading his precum and my wetness all over my inner thighs, so close to and yet so far from being inside me.

I reach up and grab a fistful of hair, twisting it a little while continuing to kiss him. He whimpers, and the movement of his hips gets more and more jagged. I know what’s about to happen, but I pretend I don’t.

His fingernails dig a little into my boob, and he makes some noises that sound like he might want to talk, but I keep kissing him, knowing he’d call “Red” if it was urgent. I pull as hard on his hair as I dare to – I wouldn’t want to rip any of it out – and my cunt aches with desire as he rubs his throbbing cock against it.

He goes rigid, and quiet, and I press my thighs a little closer together as he shoots hot, thick cum all over my pussy, his tongue still resting in my mouth. I pull my head back a little and see that he’s pink, with his forehead dotted with sweat and a look of pure bliss on his face.

“It’s still not fucking,” I say quietly, “but you have made an awful mess. I think you could lick it up…”

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Polyamory: Hierarchy or BYE-erarchy?

Image is of a number of chicken eggs piled up in a brown wooden bowl, with one egg lying beside the bowl on a small patch of jute cloth. The background is a pale blue with no other detail.

You may or may not be aware that I like rules.

I’m in a 24/7 lifestyle D/s dynamic with my Daddy. We have a lot of rules, formatted immaculately in a Google Doc that’s always at the tips of our fingers, should anything need to be edited or updated. In times of stress – near essay deadlines, or when things get complicated at home – I often ask for additional rules, tasks or check-ins, to help me feel grounded and to create a sense of security and consistency that assuages my anxiety and fills me with unique autistic glee.

By contrast, I have literally zero rules within my relationship with my girlfriend – at least, not in any formal sense. We generally try to avoid giving each other advice unless it’s specifically asked for because we’re both easily influenced, and we obviously both strive to be kind and considerate to each other at all times… but other than that, our relationship is as laid-back as it is loving. We update each other on new partners only when we’re particularly excited about them (or when it informs decisions about fluid bonding); we keep in touch however much our spoons allow; we lead intertwined but independent lives. It’s almost the opposite of the 24/7 power exchange I enjoy with my Daddy, but it’s equally as reassuring, as grounding and as loving.

I consider these relationships to be equal. Different, but equal.

I also see the benefits to hierarchical polyamory, especially as somebody who likes rules and structure. At the moment, my Daddy isn’t dating anybody else, and I’m only tentatively starting to explore new relationships after a number of heartbreaks last year, so I’ve sort of moved away from hierarchical polyamory by default. Their roles in my life are hugely different, but my Daddy and my girlfriend are as equal to me, as beloved and as necessary, as a pair of knitting needles. The right-hand one is doing a very different job to the one on the left, but they both play an irreplaceable role in creating each stitch.

On the other hand… what happens when a new party comes along? Will I consider someone I’ve been on two dates with to be on equal footing with my lifestyle Dom, or the girl I’ve been in love with for nearly four years? If not, does that mean I’m ‘bad’ at polyamory? At non-monogamy? At relationships as a whole?

In unpicking this concern of mine (whilst, of course, knitting, and relaxing into the meditative headspace that knitting invokes), I realised that I, at least, was conflating two ideas: hierarchies of partners, and hierarchies of people. Within a hierarchy of people, the people at the top hold power over the people lower down. This happens within capitalism, within workplaces, and within some polyamorous constellations – for example, primary partners holding ‘veto’ power over secondary or tertiary partners. I came to realise that I don’t want to create a hierarchy of people. I strongly dislike the idea of making anybody feel less-than, or threatened by my existing partners, or otherwise powerless within a relationship with me. I want everybody within my constellation to feel like equals as people, and I want everybody to be able to communicate about how they might be helped to feel that way.

Buut… I don’t have more than 24 hours in my day. I only have the spoons I have. I have boundaries I absolutely will not flex on: I won’t compromise on the lifestyle dynamic my Daddy uses to bring me comfort and stability to make a different relationship work – not without renegotiating with my Daddy, and closely examining why someone might want or need my lifestyle dynamic to change. If I had to choose between attending an emergency a new partner was having and attending an identical emergency my girlfriend was having, I’d choose my girlfriend every single time. In that sense, I guess I do create and maintain a hierarchy of partners – but I aim to treat every one of those people as people.

Even if I’m just seeing someone for sex, with no romance and very little friendship attached, I’ll still check in with them about their boundaries, their feelings, and how they feel about their place in my life. If a ‘secondary’ partner needed emotional support whilst my girlfriend was free to grab Starbucks, I would still go and support the ‘secondary’ partner, regardless of how I’d labelled their position within the hierarchy, because Starbucks is (probably) not as essential to my girlfriend as emotional support is to anybody else. The difference between a hierarchy of partners and a hierarchy of people is, in essence: within a hierarchy of partners, you still treat everybody in a loving, considerate way, but you do so within a framework that allows for the prioritisation of older or more intense relationship dynamics; within a hierarchy of people, power is wielded directly and indirectly in ways that can be miserable or outright destructive, and ultimately, people at the bottom can feel less like people than people at the top.

So, I guess I practice laid-back, communicative, flexible, loving hierarchical polyamory. And I think I’m okay with that.

Mess Me Up

Image is of shining droplets of water in sharp focus, with a blueish blurred background.

In the early spring of 2017, a friend from my hometown visited me in my unitown. I was dealing with Some Shit™ in a big way, so I had about five mixed drinks of steadily increasing strength while we predrank, then we got on a bus to a bar.

I was and am skinny and short, taking a hearty dose of antidepressant medication, and perpetually underfed and dehydrated. That night, I had eleven shots, and a couple more mixed drinks on top.

This is relevant because Drunk Morgan is a force to be reckoned with. They are, in essence, Sober Morgan minus the anxiety: they want all the same things with the exact same intensity, but they’re a lot less afraid of pursuing those things. In spring of 2017, I was enduring the slow and painful demise of a relationship with someone who was genuinely lovely, but who was always going to be incompatible with me – monogamous, uninclined towards lifestyle kink, probably frightened by the intensity of my feelings and maybe his own. So, in spring of 2017, every iteration of Morgan wanted to feel desirable.

Drunk Morgan didn’t want to dilly-dally about it.

I messaged a guy I’d fancied for literal years and laid all my cards on the table. Somewhere along the line my hometown friend managed to scoop me into a taxi and we both made it back to mine in one piece, still shy of 1am. When I woke up, Hungover Morgan found that Drunk Morgan had made plans to meet up with this guy I fancied that afternoon.

I was on the fence about shagging him for a number of reasons (lingering hope for the miraculous success of this doomed monogamous thing I was in, a somewhat alarming age gap, couldn’t go back to his place so we’d have to fuck quietly in my uni accommodation…) but reader, in the end, I did. I shagged him a lot. Lots of little things added up to lead me to this decision, but two things stick out in my memory:

  1. He called me “little miss” more than once. (When I told my girlfriend about this in a compersion-fuelled debriefing session, she made an odd sort of noise and said, “So you took him home immediately, right?”)
  2. He told me, after a bit of snogging and groping in the back row at the cinema, that when he nipped to the toilet before we went in search of food, a “huge glob” of precum dripped off him as soon as he took his dick out to pee.

The precum thing made me swoon. I actually said to him, somewhat petulantly, “You can’t say that. That’s illegal.” It was so. Hot.

That fling lasted only months before he broke up with me over WhatsApp in a distinctly unkind manner. I was heartbroken, naturally, and spent a number of days crying and insisting I would never date or fuck a guy again before simmering down a little and starting to unpick just why I was so devastated. The abrupt end of a lifestyle D/s dynamic was certainly a kick in the teeth, as was the seemingly inexplicable U-turn from “I’ll always be here to support you” to “You need too much support with your mental illness stuff and I don’t have the spoons.” I knew I could only sit with those feelings of abandonment and rejection until they subsided on their own, but something else kept nagging at me.

Yes, reader, it was the precum thing.

My thought process started with I miss the sex far too much, considering he was above-average at best and then broke my little heart. Then I asked myself why I missed the sex so much – what did I miss about it? Between the decidedly-taboo age gap, the frequency of the fucking and the precum thing, I realised that my focus was on how desired I had felt, not on the actual mechanics of the sex we were having. I didn’t miss the sex – I missed the evidence that someone wanted to have sex with me.

Once I arrived at that conclusion, I felt a whole lot less like an obsessive creep whenever his drips of precum crossed my mind, even if they did so while I was attempting to wank. I managed to incorporate hearty doses of precum into my sexual fantasies without incorporating my ex, aided by a slathering of lube on my vulva and the toy(s) I was using.

When I started seeing a penis-owner on the regz again (this time in a much more stable, well-negotiated D/s dynamic), I actually Googled something along the lines of “make more precum”, to see if there was a way I could encourage the production of the slick, clear fluid that produced such joy in me. One of the very first results was an article titled, “How To Deal With Your Boyfriend’s Excessive Precum”. (Bonus points for the cissexist assumption that a penis has to be attached to a male human, of course.) I literally felt my eyebrows rise in horror.

Deal with?

I confess, reader, I didn’t click on the link to find out whether the article simply said, “Eat it up, bitch!”, so it’s possible that the title was clickbait and the article was secretly in celebration of one of nature’s tastiest lubricants. Either way, the idea of “excessive” precum left me reeling. It was the first instance of shame-based “advice” that had surprised me in a while – maybe because I hadn’t come across many articles about ways that body parts commonly read as male or masculine are “wrong”, “gross” or otherwise undesirable, or maybe just because I can’t even comprehend someone disliking precum.

I like precum so much that I asked an ex to take me back because of it. I like precum so much that I Googled ways to create more of it. I like precum so much that I’ve written this ~1100 word blog post about how a cock dripping with its need for my attention turns me on like little else.

I like precum so much that I’ve used the word fourteen times so far within this piece (I think), so that if anybody else Googles a question about “excessive” precum, they will hopefully see that plenty of people are not only willing but excited to lap that shit up like it’s an Oreo-flavoured shot they’ve spilled all over the back of their hand.

I also like shots, and I might write about all the trouble they (and, by extension, Drunk Morgan) have gotten me into over the years.

One day.